February 2012
14 posts
It’s really shitty hanging out with mostly guys, because in the end majority want to fuck me. A lot of them are cool with being just friends, but almost all of them want to fuck me, and I’m like ugh what the fuck, I just want dude friends please.
I am so horny, it is insane. And taking care of it myself isn’t doing anything. I just need a dick to ride really fucking hard for a few hours right now. Fuuuck, someone fuck me like an animal right now, please?
It was nice smoking with Christophe, it kind of made me slow down and just let go of things for a little bit. Now I’m all melty and I just can’t seem to care for now. It’s nice.
And more.
A flicker of recognition
The rush of blood
Smooth skin against rough hands
A sigh
Release
And some of my dumbass poetry too.
Black and blue
Blooming under her skin
The color of cream and blueberries
Taste so sweet
But have a bitter ending
A beautiful demise
I wrote this a month ago when Matt was in town and we were doing our lets be in a relationship thing. It still applies I think.
Suddenly I wanted nothing more of this wretched town. I didn’t even want the warmth of my familiar home. I no longer want all of the plazas and the cute little restaurants with their overpriced dinner plates, and all the gas stations, and oh all the cars. So many cars,...
I can’t wait to do acid again. Last time was really emotional, and not in the way I wanted. I want this time to be different. To be better. I want to go explore and feel good and feel happy and notice how insignificant I am and how beautiful everything else is, and to just run as far as I want and have nothing stop me. I don’t care how much it will hurt my feet if I run. I need that...
What am I going to do with my life? I know I want to be self employed and that’s why I want to go to culinary school. Just so I can open my own bakery or restaurant or something and be my own boss. But I kind of want to help people… I kind of want to go into psychology, and help all the fucked up kids just like myself. I want to help them realize they are worth something, and they...
The way they trail their fingers up your back, place their hands lightly on your hips and pull you into them. Their large hands, and even larger personalities. When the give that first moan of “Oh… god.” when you take them into your mouth for the first time. Their warm lips, and the way their facial hair slightly itches your lips. When they first enter you it’s so beautifully painful. The way they...
I hate not having a dad around. I hate that I can’t go to him and talk to him and tell him when a boy is breaking my heart and ask him what to do. I hate that all the girls I know spend time with their daddy, and have this special relationship. And all I’ve got is shit. I hate that I can’t go to him and tell him, this happened to me, this person hurt me, and for him to hug me, and tell me it’s...
On those nights, we would take the stairs together two at a time, and as fast as we could, so as not to wake his parents. We’d bolt into his room, slipping the door shut. I’d slide down underneath the bed. He would get in bed, and we would wait. No one would ever come in. Finally I’d join him in bed. Those nights were beautiful. All we would do is make love, and kiss, and talk, and occasionally...
I’m a shit head. That seems to be my new favorite fucking word, but dear lord, I’ll wear it into the ground, that I am an absolutely shit head. I find someone I actually love in this world, and I’m too much of shit to just accept them, and how they change me for good and bad.
My childhood left me a giant pile of shit where my persona should be, but then some asshole had do come along and inject...
I just lost my mind.
I feel like it’s broken and shattered all over the floor and I’m trying to pick it up and piece it back together again but I can’t because it’s like shattered crystal. It’s in tiny little pieces that crunch when you step on them. I’m just crying now. Because there is honestly something wrong with me. I can’t believe I never even realized it. I can’t do this. I need to be healthy. I’m scared to...
Blah. I need to cuddle. I feel weird. I should go to bed. But I never fucking do. Life will be so much easier if I can just sleep next to another human. It’s comforting to know you’re not alone, to know that you can wake up and just look to the side and there’s another person who will do the same thing every night. That is one of my favorite things. Waking up in the middle of the night to see...