Sesmu is the ancient Egyptian demonic god of execution, slaughter, blood, oil, wine and perfume. Like many of the gods of Ancient Egypt, Sesmu was of a complex nature. He had qualities of both light and darkness, but this was not the reason that he was known as a 'demon'. To the Egyptians, demons were not necessarily evil in nature. Often they were quite helpful. Instead, the term 'demon' was given to Sesmu because he was one of the lesser deities, and due to his relation to the underworld. Sesmu followed the commands of The God of The Dead, and therefore was sometimes given the title ‘Slaughterer of Souls’. He initially seems to be a fierce underworld deity, but Sesmu was quite helpful to the dead.
I feel like it’s broken and shattered all over the floor and I’m trying to pick it up and piece it back together again but I can’t because it’s like shattered crystal. It’s in tiny little pieces that crunch when you step on them. I’m just crying now. Because there is honestly something wrong with me. I can’t believe I never even realized it. I can’t do this. I need to be healthy. I’m scared to have any stress in my life at this point, because I know I’m dangerously close to slipping back to that. And every time I slip back it will last longer and longer and longer. I haven’t been this scared in a long time. I had completely suppressed that memory of the kitchen incident. I kind of suppressed that whole time period. I’m scared for them to come flooding back at me. I’m not ready to handle it.
My mind feels so disjointed right now. I’m forcing myself to sleep.